Redstick SF

By Staff Writer
Colonial News Service

In a move that stunned television critics and fans alike, the SciFi channel announced today that it is declining to renew Battlestar Galactica for its fourth season. When asked to explain the unpopular decision, studio execs suggested that recent Nielsen ratings, or the show’s “reach,” failed to capture a key demographic the network has been steadily pursuing.

“We know we’ve got the male, 18-35 year old audience,” said Tony Optican, Scifi Vice President of Development and Current Programming, “but who doesn’t?” “It’s not hard to program attractive looking actresses to bring in that audience. Just look at Fox.” “But attractive sounding?” he offered, “That’s the challenge.”

What Optican is referring to, of course, is the network’s increased attention to programming for the visually impaired. After a policy shift at the FCC in 1999 to promote the use of descriptive audio to commercial television programs, some networks began pursuing more aggressive ways of attracting the blind audience.

For Battlestar Galactica, the challenge that faced the show’s producers was that, for the visually impaired, this:

Looked like this:

“If you look at some of the most successful shows of the past few decades,” explains Optican, “they were performed by leading ladies that were not only pleasing to the eye, but also to the ear.”

An example?

“Angela Lansbury,” offered Optican, “That broad had it all.” Optican concluded, “We need to have more shows like Murder She Wrote. That’s science fiction, right?”

Ron Moore, executive producer of Battlestar Galactica, was surprised by the announcement. “Well, I suppose Tony is right,” said an exasperated Moore, “I can’t say we ever thought about how Tricia, Grace, or Mary, for that matter, connected with those audiences.” “If I had thought about it,” Moore said, “maybe I could have hired a speech therapist, an elocutionist, or something.”

The remaining episodes of Battlestar Galactica will air Sundays at 10/9c.